Do I Need to Change Who I Am to Be a Leader?

Written By: Jillian Climie.

I work with women all the time who share their workplace frustrations with me - from being overlooked for promotions, to navigating dismissive comments, to discovering they’re paid significantly less than their peers. These stories fuel my passion for the work I do at The Thoughtful Co.

But one conversation with a client stopped me in my tracks. She was sharp, logical, and results-driven - someone who wanted data, facts, and frameworks to strengthen her negotiation. As we discussed the promotion she wanted, she asked me, with complete sincerity and zero emotion: “Do I need to change who I am to be a leader in this industry?”

Her question caught me off guard. She wasn’t frustrated. She wasn’t complaining. She was genuinely wondering. And that’s what made it so unsettling.

How have we built workplace structures that make talented individuals genuinely believe they must fundamentally change who they are to advance to leadership positions?

Changing How We Show Up

The truth is, women often do have to adjust how they show up. For example, be cautious of what we wear - nothing too feminine because we want to be taken seriously. Be cautious of how we act - we work hard to establish our competence right away, but also walk the balance of not coming off too confident (unlikeable). And of course, be cautious of how we negotiate - positively, but clearly demonstrating our value.

Even though progress has been made, many women still experience these challenges. And the data backs it up: For every 100 men promoted to manager, only 86 women are promoted. That “broken rung” is one of the biggest barriers preventing more women from reaching senior leadership positions.

Women in executive roles have navigated a maze of biases - including, in many cases, the motherhood penalty - just to get to the top. When I see women in senior leadership, I know they are not just qualified, but exceptional.

Different Leaders, Different Outcomes

When will we start to genuinely embrace different leadership styles? Not just across gender, but across ethnicity, sexuality, background, education, age, ability, personality - introverts, extroverts, and beyond?

We are in a time of massive change. The business landscape is shifting, and our traditional ways of leading are no longer enough. What we need now are fresh perspectives, new strategies, and innovative solutions. And we know what kind of leadership teams drive innovation: diverse ones.

It’s time to stop asking women (and others who don’t fit the traditional mold) to change who they are to lead. Instead, let’s redefine leadership to reflect the complexity, creativity, and diversity of the world we live in.

---

Looking for support in building equitable workplaces that foster diverse leadership? Book an introductory call with us at The Thoughtful Co here.