“Absolutely” Not Allyship.

Written by: Sophie Warwick

Morale was low in our household this past weekend. We watched two devastating overtime losses back to back. My husband took the losses particularly hard. He spent much of that Sunday checking in on friends to see how they were doing. It’s our sport. It hit hard. While I don’t live and breath hockey quite as much, and maybe felt he was being slightly dramatic, I do deeply admire his patriotism and dedication to something that feels so distinctly Canadian.

I tried to stay off social media to the best of my ability. I didn’t feel ready to hear what might be said by the winning side. I’ve heard my fill of “51st state” jokes for a lifetime. Now before you tune out because this feels political, let’s clarify something. Debating tax policy or infrastructure spending is political. Advocating for human rights is not. It’s human.

What surprised me wasn’t the loss. It was the rhetoric that followed. Jokes about having to include the women’s team in the celebrations, framed as entertainment. Laughter followed.

That is how you choose to speak about elite athletes who represent your country? I felt deeply hurt on their behalf. They deserve celebration, not punchlines. What moved me most in the aftermath was the quiet power of declining an invitation. Regardless of the motivations behind the decision, I felt proud seeing athletes choose dignity. I stand with anyone who uses their platform to uphold respect.

For me, this moment became a case study in allyship. In my work, I often see the gap between good intentions and courageous action. Many leaders ask: What does allyship actually look like? What do I do in the moment?

Here’s one answer: it’s not the easy laugh. It’s not the polite nod. It’s not hoping someone else will say something. It’s not, “Absolutely.”

Allyship is the uncomfortable pause. It’s the person who says, “That’s not acceptable.” It’s choosing integrity over approval. We rarely regret the moments we spoke up. We do, however, remember the moments we stayed silent.

Leadership and allyship are not titles. They are decisions. They are the willingness to use your position, whether earned through talent, privilege, or visibility, to advocate for equity, even when it’s inconvenient.

What consolation prize do I want? For the people in that room to have declined their invitation too (thank you to the 5 that did), in solidarity with the women who were being minimized and excluded. That’s the behaviour of a gold medalist. That’s what being a leader and an ally is.

March 8th marks the 115th International Women’s Day. This year’s theme, “Give to Gain,” which includes giving through advocacy, support, mentorship, or time.

So, I’ll leave you with this:

When the joke lands and the room goes quiet, who will you be?

When you explain what happened to your mother, daughter, partner, friend, who will you be in that story?