“That doesn’t happen here.”

Written by: Sophie Warwick.

Starting my career in a male-dominated industry, I heard far too many stories about women experiencing bullying or sexual harassment in the workplace. For those who were able to speak out, and many could not to, they were often met with shock. Hearing responses like, “that doesn’t happen here.” And yet, it happened to them, and many others.

There’s often a temptation to redirect. For example, “that used to happen, but it doesn’t anymore.” Or, “that happens on site, but not in the corporate world." Or, “that happens at our competitors, but would never happen here.”

It is difficult to speak up as a victim of sexual harassment. I also would like to explicitly state that no one should ever feel obligated to share their experience, that is a very personal choice. I didn’t share for a very long time, but today I feel ready. I don’t share with the intent of digging up past issues or calling blame to anyone who was unable to properly support me. I believe they may have done the best they could with the knowledge they had at the time, acknowledging the reality of the industry culture. I recognize standing up as an ally can be scary and uncomfortable. It’s not an easy thing to do.

I instead wish to share that these experiences are unfortunately still pervasive. We like to pretend that we’re past overt discrimination in the workplace and live in a space where the only work left to do is address microaggressions. Microaggressions do need to be addressed, but so do the big issues.

I also feel compelled to clarify that what happened to me “wasn’t that bad,” that worse things happen to other people. Part of this is acknowledging my privilege as a white, cis, straight, able-bodied woman. I have been invited into many spaces that others have been excluded from. But there’s more to it. I don’t want people to think that I think this is the worst sexual harassment story. What an odd compulsion. Why do I feel I need to minimize sexual harassment that I experienced because it might not be “as bad as others”? That I’m one of the lucky ones… How sad.

But I share because it does still happen. And most importantly, I write this for one of our clients. She recently shared a difficult experience she had, and so I write this for her. So, she knows that, unfortunately, she’s not alone.

My experience

Early in my career, I was working with a contractor on a small project. They weren’t a big client of ours, nor were they someone that we had worked with before or likely would again. I say this because I think it’s important to know this wasn’t a critical business relationship. To be clear, it doesn’t matter if it was or not, safety should be paramount. But I believe the context is still relevant for some.

We had been working together for a few months virtually; they were based in another country. I was getting used to the inappropriate comments that were sadly becoming routine. “You’re Canadian? I met a stripper who was Canadian. Are all Canadian women like that?” Which I responded to as you do when you’re too afraid to speak up, “let’s get back to chatting about the edge distance on those base plates,” while quickly trying to get off the phone and revert to email for continued correspondence. Some of my peers knew what was going on, and encouraged me to contact my leader or HR. But would they believe me? I’d have to rehash phone calls, and I started to gas-light myself. Did he really say that, or did I misconstrue something?

This continued for about six months. It was Halloween and with that the safety of our email correspondence was threatened. An email popped into my inbox, “What are you dressing up as for Halloween? I bet you look pretty sexy. Send me a photo ;)” I can quote because I kept this email after I left this role. A reminder to myself to not accept this treatment in the future. Initially I was actually relieved by the email. It’s in writing I thought! I can finally report this, and it can stop. This is a win, right? It was not.

I approached leaders, and HR, and was told different versions of, “maybe he just likes you?” “It’s not a big deal, why do you feel you need to do something about it?” It was so discouraging. As I returned to my desk, defeated, I confided with a few colleagues. They were naturally incredibly upset. One individual was so taken aback that he approached leadership himself to advocate on my behalf. For his support, I am forever grateful. I had felt so alone, and he made me feel heard.

Unfortunately, his allyship backfired. I was invited back into a meeting with leadership and again, I was relieved only to be disappointed once more. This was my moment to be supported! But instead, I was admonished for going behind their back and talking about our private conversation. I asked myself, at the very least, do I not get to be in control of who knows about the sexual harassment I experienced? Apparently, I was being incredibly disrespectful. So not only was I being told that the contractor’s behaviour was appropriate, apparently it was my behaviour that was inappropriate. I needed to be quieter. I needed to accept this treatment and move on.

Cool, cool. So, I did all I knew how to. I buried it, told almost no one what happened, I accepted, and quietly looked for a new job. I thought, maybe it’s not a big deal? Am I making a mountain of a mole hill? Shortly, thereafter I left and put it behind me for some time.

But it does matter. It impacted my ability to do my job and feel safe at work. I should’ve had leaders who stood by me and stood up for me. Reminded me that this was a professional environment and that that behaviour is unacceptable. I should have been supported.

I hope that in sharing my story, I can provide solidarity to anyone who may have experienced something similar. Additionally, I hope to use my platform to share with employers and leaders that these challenges do exist, but we can prevent them.

• We can build Employee Resource Groups that offer safe spaces for individuals to get support.

• We can craft thoughtful policies that prevent discrimination and harassment and create channels to respond to incidents if they arise.

• We can speak out when we observe discrimination or oppression.

• We can leverage active allies to foster inclusive workplaces.

• We can make all our employees feel they belong.

And lastly, I hope that if my daughter should read this one day in the future, that she will find it impossible to believe. That her mind will be boggled. I hope that she won’t be able to fathom working in a world that tolerates discrimination because it’s not something that she has ever experienced or observed. To her, I hope that it will read like a story of fiction.

This may be a tall order, but I do see a future of true inclusion where everyone, regardless of their identity, is able to show up as their true self at work and feel nothing but safety and confidence.