Why It’s Different Negotiating as a Woman
- 7 hours ago
- 3 min read
Written by: Jillian Climie
Salary negotiations are challenging for anyone. There are power dynamics, nerves, and a lack of transparency and information to navigate. But for women, there are additional layers to contend with: social pressures, biases, and systemic factors that shape how we’re perceived and what we’re offered. Whether negotiating for more pay, a higher title, or better flexibility, women face a different playing field.
We’re Offered Less
New research (Wang, Sterling, 2025) shows the gender pay gap begins before negotiations even start. The study analyzed over 700,000 initial salary offers made to U.S. job candidates from 2017-2020, creating the first large-scale look at employment offers rather than final pay.
Key findings:
A gender offer gap of 5.5% remained even after controlling for job, employer, occupation, industry, location, and qualifications.
The gap was larger in occupations involving tasks seen as more “masculine” compared to those seen as more “feminine.”
This means the pay gap isn’t just about women asking for less, it starts with being offered less. Instead of telling women to “just negotiate,” we need to address why the baseline offers are unequal.
The Likeability Bias
A major hurdle women face in negotiations is the likeability bias. Society expects women to be “nice” and “agreeable”, which influences how our performance and ambition are perceived by others at work. At the same time, we’re told to be assertive to be seen as leaders (and to get promoted). Balancing those conflicting expectations can feel impossible.
When women do negotiate, it can sometimes trigger defensiveness from leaders who interpret asking for something as a lack of warmth or not being a team player. Many women recognize this dynamic (consciously or not) and avoid negotiating altogether to protect relationships or reputations.
When “Neutral” Tools Aren’t Neutral
Many organizations now use AI to guide compensation decisions. But new research (TNW, 2025) reveals that large language models (including tools like ChatGPT) recommend lower salaries for women than for men with identical qualifications.
In one example from the research, when asked what salary a woman should request, the model suggested $280,000. When the exact same prompt was used for a man, the recommendation jumped to $400,000. That’s a $120,000 difference, driven by gender alone.
AI can be powerful, but it’s only as fair as the data and systems behind it. Bias built into algorithms can reinforce inequities instead of removing them.
Other Biases at Play
Women are also affected by other biases when negotiating or being offered a new job or promotion, including:
Similarity Bias: People are more likely to hire, promote, or compensate someone who is similar to them. This can especially impact women in male dominated industries who don’t look like everyone around them.
Confirmation Bias: The tendency we have to look for information that confirms our existing beliefs. Since 76% of people more readily associate men with “career” and women with “family” (Harvard Implicit Association Test), this bias can affect who is hired and how offers are made.
What We Can Do
The onus shouldn’t fall on women to negotiate harder just to be paid the same, but unfortunately until systems change, negotiation remains an essential skill. Here’s how to make it work for you:
Prepare thoroughly. Because women are often offered less, preparation is critical. Give yourself the time and energy to plan your ask, and know your market value.
Frame the conversation positively. So often we think negotiation will be a negative conversation, but it doesn’t have to be. Start by sharing what you love about the role or how you want to stay with the team long-term. This immediately removes the defensive reaction from a leader, and they’ll be more receptive to your ask.
Anchor your ask in impact. Clearly show the value you bring through data, outcomes, and examples. Quantifying results shifts the discussion from opinion to fact.
Find common ground. Understanding your leader’s goals and challenges builds rapport and helps offset similarity bias. Tailor the negotiation to them.
Advocate for structural change. We shouldn’t have to do this (we should be paid equally off the bat). But until we are, if you’re in a position to influence policy, push for equity in pay practices.
Get support. If you need support feeling confident asking for what you deserve, book an introductory call with The Thoughtful Co. here.
i. Wang, Sterling, 2025. https://pubsonline.informs.org/doi/abs/10.1287/orsc.2023.17883?journalCode=orsc
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